Healing Is The Best Revenge

Prescription: Healing for the broken heart💔

Dosage: Readers are required to give their broken heart to God, and let time heal the wounds🙏🏽

Sooo…a whole year has passed since my last relationship, and I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I can’t lie, dealing with a breakup was HARD, but through the tears, denial, and the constant back and forth, I can honestly say it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me. It was a process, and I grew from it, I’m not the same girl I talked about in “So Gone”. So, how did I get through it? Did I really let him go? Well let me catch y’all up…

The Tears

Over the course of my relationship I was told 3 times that the guy I’m with is not my husband. That last time resonated with me because we were struggling with maintaining a celibate relationship. Deep down I knew what I needed to do, I just didn’t want to do it. But eventually we both had a conversation and the breakup happened. Now the real test came after that conversation.

In the first couple of months I was cool, trying to keep the peace, but I became weak. In my head I knew that the breakup was needed but my struggle was I didn’t want to accept the breakup. So, I acted on my weakness, and became available to him. Yes guys, I went back. And it was in these few months that I cried the most. I’m a cry baby at heart, but this time I was crying out for help. I knew better but I couldn’t let go. I remember the night before our friendship ended, I prayed, “Lord I need you, I can’t do this by myself” …in that moment I had a strong urge to call my mom. Now I knew this was God, because I never told my mother the truth about my relationship, but I had concluded that it was time for me to be honest and tell her the truth about my virginity.

My mother was the answer I needed, she was there for me when I needed her the most. Alongside my mother I had my friends who allowed me to just let it out, how ever I needed to. My mother and friends understood that I wasn’t just dealing with a breakup, but the ending of a chapter that I never wanted to close. Their comfort and support really helped me to know that I was going to be OK. And months later came…

The Denial

At this point I had become sick and tired of being sad. I consider myself a strong and happy person. I was uncomfortable with how weak I looked and felt. I wanted to just be over him, but my friends kept reminding me that breaking up is a process and I must allow myself to go through it.

I didn’t want to hear it, I wanted my feelings to be extinct for him so bad, that I had put on a facade. I had a whole speech on how “I’m fine”, “I know I deserve better”, “I wish him the best” and so on. But the truth is I was still hurt! I had stopped eating at a point and time, which lead to me obsessing over losing weight, you know trying to get that ‘breakup glow’. I had even tried to rush into a new relationship. I was doing everything I could to NOT accept that I missed him, still wanted him, and still LOVED him. Which lead to the final piece…

The Constant Back & Forth

My denial was finally broken once he reached back out to me. Like I said, I had a whole speech in my head, so I thought I could handle being around him again… because I’m so strong, right.👎🏽That didn’t last at all, don’t get me wrong, I was appreciative that he had reached out, but I wasn’t ready, but because I was in denial I wasn’t aware. Those feelings that I tried my hardest to ignore came racing back as if they never left.

And just like that I fell right back into the same old habits.

My friends were wondering why I was going back to him and every answer I tried to give was a LIE. That’s when I knew I was in denial. I did love him and I did want what we had back…but the reality of the situation hit me hard. I went back because I was weak for him, but I needed to accept that. I needed to realize that the quicker I accept my feelings for what they were the quicker I can let time heal. I had to break, and totally give my broken heart to God.

God does heal.🙌🏽 What got me through the tears, the denial, and the constant back and forth was my consistent comforter, Jesus. I found strength in God, He gave me the fight to get through this hard process.

When I finally gave my heart over to God the process became easier day by day. I’m still accepting my break up even after a year, but I know now that I’m not where I used to be.