Good Grief Pt. 1

Prescription: 6 month checkup 🏥

Dosage: Readers are required to check-in with God, because He cares. 💝

“Hey God, it’s time for my 6-month checkup…

Well, Chelsea, from the looks of it I see that you’re

Mentally drained

Breaking out and stressed out because of it

Hair is falling out

Gaining weight

& you’re growing weary, Why?

Yes, God I am tired, I’m tired of feeling like I’m not myself, I just want to go back to the old me the normal me. I want her back…”

The first half of 2018 has come and gone and I’m not sure at this point if I’m ready for the next half.  I thought 2017 was the year of discomfort, but whew 2018 has me feeling so out of place. And not exactly with where I’m at in life, but mostly with myself.

Have you ever felt like you’re missing something within yourself? Like something is so off, but you don’t know what it is. You’re trying to find it, reaching for it, but you’re coming up short?

Can I be real for a moment?

After burying my mom in South Carolina, I stayed there with my grandparents for a month or two and for awhile the peace and quiet was nice, but I became homesick once I realized everything that I sought comfort in was back home in Atlanta. I expressed to my grandparents that I was ready to come home and before I knew it we were driving back to Atlanta where the doors of grief would be there waiting for my arrival.

Coming back home was exactly what I needed, I felt a calmness come over me from just being in my house again, I knew this is where I needed to be.

So, I treated my trip back home like any other trip, not realizing that I wasn’t just visiting my grandparents and coming back home like old times, but I was coming back to the unknown….

An empty house flooded with memories, friends who are also trying to figure out what to say to me, how to be there, and a church family, who like me are trying to figure out where do we go from here.

These first 6 months have been such a struggle for me and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean I was living my life the way I normally did. what was the problem? I was hanging out with friends, dating, even going back to church every Sunday and yet I felt so unhappy like something is missing.

I’m trying to be there for my friends, but I feel so helpless.

I’m drained.

I’m trying to start my business, but I don’t feel it.

I’m tired.

I’m trying to get dressed, be cute, but I don’t feel pretty.

I’m stressed. Breaking out, hair falling out.

I’m trying to find the motivation to do what I set out to do for 2018 and get healthy, but I can’t stop eating.

I’m gaining weight.

I don’t feel like Chelsea, God I’m tired, tired of being this unhappy girl. I need your help…

And as always, He answers prayer. Everything I was experiencing was a part of grief. But I wasn’t aware because I rushed home and rushed back into the life routine I knew, forsaking the fact that I experienced a huge loss. Don’t get me wrong I wanted to feel everything possible when it came to my mom. I didn’t want to rush through the process, I wanted to heal properly. I guess you can say I didn’t know what to expect regarding grief, I would have moments, but I didn’t know there was more to grief than just an overwhelming amount of emotion in a 10-minute span. Grief is a step-by-step process.

During me feeling uncomfortable with myself, my pastor tells the church he is having a class session on grief and he invited another Pastor who is also a counselor to explain in depth about grief.

Now I love therapy and counseling, I’m the talk about their feeling’s kind of person, but I really thought grief was a typical thing what more can I learn?

Well, like I said grief is a step-by-step process. The pastor/ counselor gave us a great understanding of grief. She taught us about the 7 Stages of Grief, which I’ve listed below.

SHOCK & DENIAL

PAIN & GUILT

ANGER & BARGAINING

“DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS

THE UPWARD TURN

RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH

ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

What I found so interesting about the stages was the fact that you will experience each stage consecutively and if you don’t allow yourself to go through the process you may be stuck in a stage for years! The class session was enlightening to me because now I knew for certain that 1. Nothing is wrong with me, what I’m feeling is completely normal & 2. There was hope that I don’t have to feel this way forever I can get back to the normal me.

I was very appreciative for my Pastor being so in tuned with his congregation that he saw a need and met it & I can agree that in the church we do need more intimate class sessions like this one I didn’t just gain awareness, but I learned techniques on how to push through and also a new friend because I’m not alone.  God is good!

I can say after the class session I was more at ease, but I was still in a funk. Now that I was aware of what I was feeling it became more of my excuse to just stay stuck in my feelings.

You see, I started to magnify my grief, my pain instead of magnifying who God is to the grief I felt. I was stuck… and struggling.

Stay tuned Daily Readers… & Stay Encouraged Daily Readers!