Good Grief pt. 3: Forgiveness is an Inside Job

Prescription: The real “F” Word

Dosage: Readers are required to search their heart and release unforgiveness.

Hey Daily Readers! How are y’all! Staying safe? Staying encouraged? Well, FEAR Not! God is still in control! Believe me, these few weeks of quarantine, #SOCIAL-DISTANCING  has been more relaxing than stressful. And not just physically, but mentally I’m able to process easily.

 Let’s go back… Pre Social-Distancing

Towards the end of 2019 I was already battling with adding balance to my life, however my grieving process was at a standstill. I was facing the last stages of my grief, but something was revealed to me as I entered the ‘Reconstruction & Working Through Stage’. I was still holding onto my mother’s memory, but not in a healthy way. I had moved from the “I just want to feel sad” to saying  “I’m this way because of my mom, or my mom didn’t teach me that, oh well”. Clearly, there was some frustration inside which led to me visiting my grief counselor and she pointed out my real issue was unforgiveness. But how could I ? I’m weeks away from the 2-year anniversary of her death and I’m in total shock that for years of her life I had unforgiveness towards her. Why?

I admire Mother/Daughter relationships. Because I have witnessed positive mother/daughter relationships majority of my life, they hold a special place in my heart. I’ve seen mother/daughter relationships form from women and girls that aren’t even related.That bond is special and it’s needed. Mothers shape daughters into women. For many years I didn’t value the mother/daughter relationship I had until it was cut short. 

My mom and I went through several transitions in life that played a part in our relationship. And due to those transitions happening we may not have always communicated the best. And for years I accepted our relationship for what it was, but I longed for a stronger relationship with my mother as I got older, so I went to the only person I could, God. I began to pray to God about our relationship. And praise be to God towards the latter years of her life our relationship changed for the better. I’m grateful that in a short time we were able to be open and honest, and lean on each other in ways we never had before. 

How is it after the positive turn I’m still holding onto unforgiveness? 

Even though my mom and I hit a turning point in our relationship, I never told her how I felt. I never expressed how our lack of a relationship affected me. Something my counselor pointed out to me: I never communicated with her how I wanted to have a relationship with her and how I pictured our relationship.

 I was shell shocked! For years I held the key to turning our relationship around and instead of communicating my truth I learned to accept us for what we were and stay silent. What’s even more revealing is, not only did I have this issue with my mom, but with everyone I knew. I choose silence over communication a lot! 

The root of my unforgiveness was because for years of our relationship I chose to be silent and accept, versus communicate and allow our relationship to grow with time. Time... something I didn’t have enough of. But as I stated,  I saw our relationship change for the better because regardless a girl needs their mother. Losing my mom pushed me to face the unforgiveness that I was deeply, secretly holding onto. And the timing couldn’t be more perfect since I was close to her 2 year anniversary; It was time for me to forgive. 

Present Day:

I was today years old when I realized I am a lot like my mother. 

Strong, Prayerful, full of life,& full of love. Even the traits she passed down to me by observance, she fought for the ones she loved. I saw that firsthand because there was nothing she wouldn’t do for me, but at the same time she didn’t always fight for herself with the same tenacity, something I do often! Like I mentioned mothers shape daughters into women. The woman I am today is because of the woman she was and because of our similarities I am able to look in the mirror and forgive her & myself for holding onto unforgiveness. As a result of my forgiveness I choose to honor my mother’s memory by embracing the mother she was to me, and remembering her embrace me as the daughter I was to her.

I dreamed about growing old with my mom, although I’m not able to, I’m still given the choice to grow and break cycles in the relationships I have with others and with my own kids in the future. 

Time heals all wounds…

Unforgiveness is difficult, but with God all things are POSSIBLE! 

Ask God to reveal those areas of unforgiveness in your heart, & with His help begin the process of release, healing, & freedom and so much more!

Please know, you never have to face anything alone, don’t be afraid to seek help! I’m praying with you & FOR YOU! 

Stay Encouraged Daily Readers!